New year, new me… that’s what they say right? The new year is a chance for a fresh start, a new chapter, out with the old in with the new. And honestly, I am so ready for a fresh start and to wave goodbye to this year. If I was to sum it up in just one word, that word I would use would be draining. Absolutely emotionally exhausting and draining, draining, draining. I feel like all my energy has been sucked out of me, I’m not the person I was born to be and I’m exhausted. Work life and aspects of my person life have sucked the me out of me, if that makes sense, and I’m 1000% fed up of it.
If I look back on my whole adult life, I’d say since I was 17, I’ve struggled. There have been hard times, but battling with my emotions has been the hardest struggle. I feel as though I let so many outside circumstances and more importantly, other people, affect me so much and I’ve had enough of letting other people dictate my life and my feelings. It’s time to put myself first, no matter how hard things may seem, I’m not going to let anybody stand in the way of my happiness.
I think I still harbour a lot of bitter resentment to my ex, if I’m honest, honestly that whole relationship with him was probably one of the most negative and worst experiences of my life. Years of being messed about and having my emotions played with has taken its toll on me and I realised although I thought I was over it, starting the process of seeing someone new properly for the first time since has made me realise I’m not. Sure I’m over him, but it’s clear to see there are issues he has projected onto me which in turn make it hard for me to think positively about a new relationship, because I’m always expecting the worst. I feel as though I have limiting beliefs surrounding relationships because the only one I’ve been in has been so, so unhappy, I can’t see a way to be happy in one. Does that make sense? Like when you’re so used to something, it’s what you expect. And I need to change those limiting and damaging beliefs, because I can’t let them control me or my life anymore. So for this chapter, I’m taking the words from Ariana Grande’s mouth and saying ‘thank u, next’ because I do have to let go and forgive fully, and stop harbouring bad feelings towards my ex because they’re seriously holding me back… if anything, that’s one thing I’m letting go of this year.
This year I’m letting go of a lot of things, and I want to say goodbye to those things now because I simply can’t wait another day, let alone until the 1st of January to live my best life. I know technically I have been living my idea of my best life, this year I’ve done so much, travelled through Europe, been to Disneyland and to Spain and to fun concerts with my girlfriends and so much more, but emotionally I haven’t been happy and it sucks. When you feel as though you’re not making the most of the blessings you’ve been given it’s absolutely horrible, especially knowing you can’t get those moments back and you’ve wasted so many precious moments not being really, truly happy. But that’s another thing that I need to let go of, the belief that everything needs to be perfect. It doesn’t need to be a perfect life to be a happy life and moving forward into the new year (which I’m saying starts tomorrow for me, ha ha), I am going to remember this and live my life by it. I am going to be happy, no matter what life throws at me, no matter if I have one down moment, I’m not going to let that turn into a whole down day, week, month or year. I’m going to embrace it for what it is, and move on… bye Felicia to the negativity!
I’m saying goodbye to 2018 now because I’m tired of being unhappy and I’m tired of waiting for new days, new weeks, new years to begin the journey I want to embark upon. I want to embark on a journey of happiness, self love, peace of mind and strength and for me, that journey starts now. I am not wasting another second of my life, I refuse.
So adios 2018 and hello 2019, it’s time to start smashing my goals, smiling more, loving more and being happier! I’m excited!!!
Lots of love to you all, and thank you so much for being the best blogging friends ever!!!!!!!
HAPPY NEW YEAR,