Day three and the tears don’t stop falling, my heart doesn’t stop screaming.
All I can say is I’m sorry. And I pray with all my heart one day that we meet again, or at least find closure.
Oh my God I love you so much J I really do. And if we never meet again I need you to know that but oh my goodness I pray fate has better plans for us and brings us together again.
I know I said some things are better left in the past, but I don’t want to think of you as a memory. I really don’t. I love you. And all I can do is take each day at a time and wish the best for the both of us.
I hope God brings us back together again. I really do. I need you to know that. And I know I told you to move on, and accept that that might never happen, and I’m sorry if I hurt you for saying that, but I had to. I had to know you’ll be ok either way, because I don’t want to come back for you, I want to come back for me. And because I’m sure it’s the right thing to do, and it’s going to bring both of us peace and happiness.
I wrote you a whole letter with all the reasons why I love you, and separating from you has just given me more. You let me go so gracefully and kindly, and you were there for me.
It breaks my heart to feel like I’ve abandoned you because that’s what it feels like to me. And maybe I’m overplaying my role in your life, I’m sure I’m hurting more than you are right now and I don’t mean that in a selfish way, but you never wanted what I wanted anyway. It was always going to end this way…
I wish I could turn back time and make it different so you could be a part of my life and we could have transitioned from lovers to friends, but unfortunately I can’t turn back time and that’s ok, because this is happening for a reason. I am learning something from this. I am learning a lot from this. And I’m sure you have / will too.
I just want you to be ok. And I just want you to be happy. I dream that in years to come, we are both happy, and by some twist of fate we bump into each other again, sit down and have a coffee (because that seems the adult thing to do), in some sunny location by the sea (that’s just what I envision for some reason), maybe it’ll be on your yacht! We’ll have a coffee together, we’ll laugh and we’ll smile and we’ll feel at peace and know that the decision we made all those years ago to let each other go was the right decision, and maybe we’ll connect again, click more than ever before and discover a whole new friendship and love for one another or maybe we’ll just be grateful to have met again and found closure. I really hope it’s the former but most of all I really hope it’s one of them, and not the unthinkable option of never meeting again. Right now, I think if I was on my deathbed my wish would be to see you again, so I could look at you and tell you how much I love you and how grateful I am for the times we shared together. I know our relationship wasn’t perfect, and I know I hurt you when I told you you made me unhappy a lot of the time, but that doesn’t take away from all the fun that I had with you, all the times you made me smile, those first few dates which were like pure Heaven when it felt like the start of something magical, all of the good times. I loved kissing you, I loved hugging you, I loved how you always comforted me when I cried. I love you for everything you’ve ever done for me, I love you for giving me my space when I’ve needed it, I love you.
And I want you to know that whatever happens, you are precious to me and I do cherish the times we shared together. Even though it hurts right now to think of them, and I’m breaking because we are moving on with our lives separately and your friends are gonna love you and my friends are gonna love me and we’re gonna love them, how can the love between us just be lost?!?! Why can’t we keep loving each other? But we can, because I can still love you from afar. So I want you to know that. I do love you, whether we meet again or not, I am always going to wish you the best life has to offer and I’m going to pray you get it. And you ARE going to get it. You have to, because it’s what I want for you, and I always get what I want 😉
I am scared, that this could really be goodbye. I am scared this is it forever. Saying that makes me feel sick. But I’m not going to forget you. I promise.
It can’t be goodbye forever. I love you.