Let’s talk about my next relationship…
Not that I plan on having one anytime soon. I just can’t. First of all, I’m not in the right place emotionally / mentally to be in a romantic relationship and I certainly can’t give anyone the best of me right now because I myself am not feeling like the best of me, if that makes sense. I am in no fit state for a relationship. And even if I was, I don’t want one. Or at least, I wouldn’t be looking. Now is simply not the right time.
I’ve always been happy when I’m single, I’ve felt I’ve thrived more as a singleton and 9/10 I’m more aware and focused on myself when nobody else is in the picture which I guess is natural but still, I know there will come a day when I feel as though I can thrive independantly whilst also being in a fullfilling relationship but right now, those two worlds seem seperate. I have lost myself too much in relationships. I just want to be single, focus on myself and sort my mental health out, then move on to properly focusing on and prioritising my family and friends. A relationship can come once I’ve figured all that other important stuff out, ok?
However, and this relates also to why I’m not looking for a relationship right now, I’ve realised exactly what I want to be in my next relationship. I want to be a giver. LOL. Now I know that sounds funny, but I realise that 1) if I were to date anybody right now it would purely be for myself and I’d be relying on that person for emotional support and validation and 2) in my past relationships I have expected and demanded too much.
Ok. I don’t think it’s too much to expect to be treated with respect, or to expect to be treated like a princess in a relationship but I wanna treat my man like a King, and before I was thinking hold UP, these people aren’t treating me like a princess so I’m not gonna start treating them as good as I want until they do all the right things for me. Does that make sense?
I was thinking, when he starts treating me good then I’ll do nice things for him, because nobody wants to look like a mug right? But it works both ways and why should my boo be treating me if I’m not treating him? Maybe he had/s the same mindset. Whatever, I don’t want to be giving to receive, I just want to give love out of my love for that person and forget about what they can do for me. I think that’s fair. I mean, obviously I’m not going to allow myself to be walked all over but I will start expecting less from my partner in the future. After all, when you have a partner, you’re a team. That person isn’t here solely to make me happy, it is not their duty and I don’t want to put that pressure on them, like I need them to save me or validate me etc. I can look after myself. We are here to enhance one anothers lives, equally.
I think I’ve been selfish in past relationships and demanded too much. Okay so it’s not too much to expect a reply to a message or whatever, but I’ve never stopped to think how I might make that other person feel when I’m bombarding them with messages demanding they reply sooner, or give a better response, or compliment me more, whatever. At the end of the day if I don’t like the way they choose to message / how long it takes to message me back / whether they compliment me or not / bring me flowers or whatever etc etc I can either choose to accept them for who they are or leave and wait for someone who does do the things I wish for without me having to ask. 1) I shouldn’t have to ask and 2) I shouldn’t try or even be wishing to try to change the person that I’m with. That’s not love, love is loving your partner unconditionally, not trying to change them or demand more from them when maybe they can’t even give more themselves, like I can’t give someone too much from me right now, maybe that was the case for them. Either way, it’s not fair to try to change someone and I don’t want to be that person in a relationship anymore and I’m sorry that I ever was, especially to August Boy because I was hard on him sometimes and really I just wish I’d showed him I cared more and not worried about what he was doing for me. BUT this post wasn’t about August Boy so I better stop rambling, hehe.
For real though, in my next relationship and even in the relationships I have now with my friends and family I want to focus more on giving / giving back and being truly loving and kind, focusing on them and showing my appreciation for them, truly. ❤️
If you’re currently single, what’s something you’d like to do differently in your next relationship compared to your last one? And to everyone, single or not, tell me your favourite ways to show someone you love them in the comments below! And be sure to drop your favourite love quote down below in the comments too, I’d love to raise up the love vibes in here somehow, haha.
Thanks all for reading,
have a great day,
lots of love,