We meet people for a reason, either they’re a blessing, or a lesson.
Heartbreak is something I’ve experienced plenty of, which for someone who’s never been in a legit ‘serious relationship’ is pretty, dare I say it… impressive.
I met my ‘first boyfriend’ when I was 18, and it was a whirlwind of downs, downs, and downs again, and although not many highs, it could be described as being on Alton Tower’s Oblivion roller coaster for four years straight as it was a completely wild ride… mostly consisting of lows. In this relationship, there were rarely very many happy moments and we were on and off for a good four years before finally, I realised I wanted to move on with my life, for good. Looking back, I am gobsmacked that I lasted in the ‘relationship’ for so long and I often wonder what the heck was I thinking? I would cry over this boy SO many times, with nights out with my friends being completely ruined (along with my makeup), as I’d leave the club in tears, the alcohol bringing out the hurt my ex had essentially brought to me. Sorry hun, not like I like to pass blame or anything but… there’s no denying he hurt me! But did he break my heart? Looking back… nope. Whatever I was suffering with, and as much as I thought it was a broken heart, now I know the truth that it wasn’t. I was devastated yes, but honestly I look back now and think what for? What was I so devastated about? This boy played with my emotions for years and rarely ever gave me anything to smile about, and agreed I wasn’t perfect, but in all fairness I was only 18 and this was my first relationship, which I like to think I learnt a lot from but honestly looking back, I think it took me a few more fellas to learn my lessons completely. I know my first boyfriend taught me a lot, even though it took me a while to realise those lessons and actually utilise them. I didn’t necessarily take those lessons forward with me into my following relationships but looking back now I know I learnt a lot of things which are valuable to me and that I take on board now, and lessons I can share with others… although ultimately I think we all learn our own lessons in this life, and we learn when we are ready, that definitely doesn’t mean I can’t give some advice and share my own experiences.
Firstly, thanks to my first ex boyfriend, I have learnt to ALWAYS TRUST YOUR GUT. For a while, I knew there was something not right in the relationship, but I didn’t want to end things because I did really care for the boy and I dreaded the thought of hurting him. Eventually, I pushed him away with my doubts, pushed him right away into the arms of his ex, who’d he’d broken up with just shortly before we got together. Brilliant. And can you believe it? I was left ‘heartbroken’, or at least I thought I was. I was devastated at the thought of him loving her and not me, even though I’d had my doubts all along and I should have just listened to my gut in the first place. Lesson one, your gut is here to serve you! It’s only up until recently I’ve really started practising this lesson as more and more experiences have gone to show me proof the gut is always right, and I continue to follow it from now onward and forever. Even when it’s scary (especially when it’s scary)!
Lesson two would have to be AN EX IS AN EX FOR A REASON! Guys, as I said I was on and off with this boy for FOUR whole years, and the majority of those four years was spent crying. I took him back every time he walked back into my life and for what? To be hurt time and time again. I do believe in second chances, and if you break up and get back together again then fine, I understand. Things can be different the second time round because I do believe the first time could be seen as a learning curve and figuring each other out / learning to understand one another etc (depending on why you broke up of course, in some cases obviously there should be no second chances) but say you broke up because of constant arguing etc, I do think a second chance is fine if you’ve both worked on yourself and learnt to understand both yourselves and one another however when that second chance goes down the pan and things go wrong again, why should it be any different the third, fourth, fifth, sixteenth, seventeenth or eighteenth time? When someone shows you their true colours, believe them. If it was meant to be, you wouldn’t keep breaking up. It’s not incredibly romantic, it’s incredibly heartbreaking and the more you allow someone back into your life after they’ve consistently hurt you the more they’re going to do it. Because you’ve shown them you’ll allow it, you’ve shown them you’re always gonna take them back no matter what they do. Even if they care for you, they’re not going to treat you with the respect you deserve because they know they don’t have to. They know they can stomp all over your heart, ditch you and then come back again as soon as they so desire, because you’ve already allowed that to be the case twenty times over. Second chances? Yes! Any more than that? Nope! An ex is an ex for a reason, and in the ex list they shall stay!
The third and most important lesson I’d say I learnt from my first ex is that it is possible to move on. Not even possible, it is 100% a fact and guaranteed that you will move on. Please let this be a glimmer of hope if you’re heartbroken right now or going through a break up, trust me when I tell you right now there is always going to be someone out there for you that’s 100% better for you in every way, if there wasn’t, then you wouldn’t have broken up with your ex would you? Believe it from me, as someone who was devastated for four whole years thinking this guy was everything, it wasn’t until I vacationed to Magaluf and met a boy there who although obvs was not ‘the one’, certainly made me realise I can and will find someone else. My ex isn’t the bee all and end all. And that’s okay. He will find someone better for him, as will I. And had I not have split up with my ex, I never would have met August Boy for example, who although things didn’t work out with, I’m sure so grateful to have shared a part of my life with so I’m happy. Breakups happen for a reason, if you stay with that boy / girl who always hurts you, you’re really just holding yourself back from meeting the true love of your life. Your real soulmate. And they ARE out there, I promise! You’re not going to be single forever (unless you want to be of course), but trust me. You will move on, there will come a time when you realise there’s a better life out there for you, single or in a relationship (just don’t let it take four years for you to realise like it took me, I recommend a holiday to Magaluf HAHA) and you’re not going to be stuck in this heartbreak forever. There’s a light at the end of the tunnel, and who knows? That light could be your very own Prince Charming, or a sunny beach and cocktails with the girls featuring not a care in the world. I’m trying not to make it sound like the only way your light will come is if it’s in the form of another relationship because I definitely do not believe you need a relationship to be happy (another topic for another day, he he), but I’m just saying since we are on the topic of relationships that YES, if it didn’t work out with your ex don’t think you’re never gonna find anyone else, because you 100% will!
After all, the Universe isn’t gonna stop you from being with your soulmate, is it?
*Disclaimer, just in case my ex is reading this, thanks for the lessons and I wish you all the best, we met for a reason and we taught each other so much. Take care and love yourself, you deserve to be happy. ♥’