Hello my huns and welcome back to my blog.
Back in 2018 (woah), I shared a fun, lighthearted post all about how not to date and since then I’ve had almost two years worth of more dating experiences, some great and some not so great… and let’s face it, I say two years but the past year has pretty much been as dry as the Sahara on the dating scene but still, we go with it. Being that it’s Valentines next week (eek), I figured today would be the perfect time to share with you some more of my spectacular advice not only on ‘how not to date’, but also, how not to breakup.
I actually wrote the first draft of this post almost a year ago now (roughly), but I’ve just been waiting for the right time to share, and I figured love month would be that. Enjoy!
How Not To Date / How Not To Break Up
1. Don’t tell the guy you ghosted because of your own insecurities and fear of getting hurt that you really really like him, and would choose him over Eminem…
Yep. You heard that right! I told my ex ‘man who wasn’t my man’ I would choose him over Eminem. And fair play to the boy, he responded with the truth; ‘No you wouldn’t’. I mean, you’re not wrong there hun, but at the time I genuinely did mean what I was saying and out of sheer desperation (evidently) to win my boo back I was pulling out all the stops to show him how much I liked him. Update, it failed and I never saw him again. LOL.
*It turns out I’ve also used this cracker of a line on another ex too, as I was rifling through my box of ‘relationship memories’ a few weeks ago and found a letter I’d written, but never sent, with this classic line-
Harry Styles AND Eminem? Damn!
2. Don’t ghost someone because you’re scared of getting hurt
Linked into the previous ‘don’t’ of dating, this ones a little less playful and a little more serious. Ghosting someone because you’re afraid of getting hurt if you carry things on just causes more hurt because not only are you hurting your boo by ghosting them and doing to them something which I’m sure you wouldn’t like being done to yourself, but you’re also hurting yourself because you’re not giving yourself a chance to be truly happy with someone. I have a whole post related to this type of topic here if you’d like to read it, but now lets get back to the more silly don’ts and keep this post lighthearted!
Read: I Learned From You
3. Don’t spend $200 on an online Clairvoyant asking them if you’ve made the right decision in ending things with your ex…
Trust yourself! I’m all for Clairvoyants and Tarot Card readers, but until you’ve found one you can trust don’t get royally mugged off like I did by seeking advice ONLINE and racking up a bill of $200. RIDICULOUS. That is by far one of the silliest things I have ever done and I honestly can’t believe myself, don’t get me wrong it makes for a hilarious story however, just don’t do it huns. It’s not worth the time or the money, trust that you’ve made the right decision in breaking up with this person (because you have, otherwise you wouldn’t have felt the need to break up with them) and spend that $200 on treating yourself to some fresh new clothes to make yourself feel all fancy again, or just save the money. Either way, don’t spend it on getting mugged off by an Online Clairvoyant who literally, can not help. Never again.
4. Don’t jump into a relationship with someone else if you’re not ready and you’re still healing
Another more serious one here but, in my opinion, it’s not a good idea to jump into a relationship or start dating other people if you’ve just broken up with your ex and you’re still healing. I know a lot of people say ‘the best way to get over a man is to get under another one’ and to some extent I can agree, as I’ve actually had experience with this in the past, but if you’re really hurting, I personally think it’s a great idea to take some time out to properly heal and process before rushing in to anything too soon. This way, you can understand your previous relationship more, you can take the lessons you’ve learnt and grow from them, so you don’t carry the same patterns into your next relationship. Taking some time out before beginning a new relationship will give you the time you properly need to heal and transcend, and give you a chance to figure out what you want from your next relationship. Of course, every situation is different, but this is definitely just my advice from my perspective, however everything happens in divine timing so if your perfect person does come along just as you’re fresh out of a relationship, then go for it, but what I’m saying is, you don’t need a new relationship to numb the pain, make sure you’re doing it for the right reasons, and remember, never settle for the sake of being in a relationship or to ‘one up’ your ex. You’re happily ever after will happen, all as and when it’s supposed to, in divine timing.
5. Don’t send a sassy response to your ex featuring the link to Beyonce’s ‘Best Thing I Never Had’ music video, only to backtrack and start speaking to them again
Okay back to the funny ones now… so this actually happened. Once upon a time one of my exes popped back up again, as they always do, and me being the absolute Sasspot that I am decided to reply with a subtle yet clear ‘boo, I don’t need you anymore’ style message, as I replied to his message with one thing and one thing only, a link to Beyonce’s ‘Best Thing I Never Had’ music video. I think this song speaks volumes because hey, once you move on from a relationship you do realise that the fact it didn’t work out is a blessing, not because your ex is a bad person, just because they weren’t the person for you. You look back and realise all the things you didn’t agree on, the times when you shifted your personality to fit them a little more, the times you settled, the things you never did with your partner because it’s not what they wanted when really, those things were really important to you and your relationship ideals (like settling for someone who never wants to travel with you, but that’s always been one thing you’ve really wanted from a relationship). Sometimes the Universe removes people from our lives, simply because they are not right for us. Eventually, you do realise that breaking up with that person is actually a blessing, and not the end of the world like you originally thought it was going to be (unless you end up being one of those couples who end up getting back together in 10 years time thanks to fate however, either way, a break up is always a blessing as it’s a chance to grow) so sending the link to this song, I thought, was a clear and sassy message. Don’t pop back up babe, I’ve moved on. Great. Except when he replied saying the link wasn’t working, so he couldn’t see what I’d sent him… Fab. Now, if I’d really meant what I was trying to say, I would have just left it at that and not gotten back to him, or politely told him I was no longer interested, but what did I do? I brushed off his message and proceeded to start chatting to him normally, this resulting in a whole new chapter to our on again off again love affair. Brilliant. There’s actually always been a part of me that thinks the guy did really see the video I’d sent him, I guess I’ll never know but either way, if I’m gonna be sassy, I’ve at least gotta own it by sticking to what I say and actually meaning it, otherwise I’m only mugging myself off. I’ve learnt my lesson now however so it’s all worked out for the best, and at least it’s given me a funny story to share…
So there we go guys and dolls, how not to date and how not to breakup part two. I wonder what this next year will bring when it comes to dating… I’m sure we’ll soon find out, and I’m truly looking forward to it!
What’s your funniest dating story? Who’s your celebrity crush? What’s your number one piece of dating advice? Be sure to let me know all your thoughts in the comments below.
As always thank you so much for reading,
with so much love and light,