How is everyone today?
I am SO tired. I stayed up till half past midnight last night, which really isn’t that late but I feel so groggy for it today. Still, I was watching my current obsession ‘Jane The Virgin’, I couldn’t resist starting another episode hehe.
So today I’m here with a little chatty post and a reflection on the month of April, which for me, was a great month.
Obviously I spent the majority of it at home except for the occasional trip to the supermarket and of course, my government approved walks (which I haven’t been taking daily, but I’ve been on a fair few).
Last month, I started keeping a daily highlights tab on my phone which is something I’m looking forward to continuing with, I didn’t update it everyday but, it was great when I did.
I definitely intend on reflecting on my daily highlights as much as possible from now on. It’s great.
So April, where do I even start??
It was a good month for me as I feel like, I’ve been growing Spiritually, I’m FINALLY over my ex, I’ve been writing and journaling most days, learning about myself and astrology plus my Spanish has improved so much. I’m also getting more into my food, and this month one of my goals is definitely to cook more and eat more vegan dishes! Hopefully I’ll have many vegan days this month without even having to try, it’ll just be what I eat.
So let’s talk about that ex, well, I’ve been single for over a year now, and this guy who I’m calling an ‘ex’ is someone I was seeing for around half a year back in 2018/2019. Our ‘relationship’ ended last February / March, and it was of course the right thing for the both of us but that doesn’t mean it was easy.
I was distraught and as you may know if you’ve followed my blog for a long time, this ‘break up’ triggered a lot of emotions for me and changed my life completely. It wasn’t even the relationship that broke me as such, though I was heartbroken, but it was the way everything played out afterwards, the things that happened. Anyway, I learnt so much after this, and grew so much as a person. When I look at where I am now, I genuinely feel so amazed and like, I’ve come SO far.
And even though my relationship with my ex was over, for the past year, I’ve still harboured feelings for him. Not the desire to get back together as such because I knew that wouldn’t be the right decision, it wouldn’t be best in the long term. After everything that happened, I knew a relationship with him was off the cards no matter how much I cared for him, how much I missed him, how much I loved him.
I’d reminisce on him and cry when I thought about the times we spent together, I couldn’t help myself. The emotions I felt in my heart were SO strong, and I couldn’t understand it. How could I love someone so much, yet not feel a relationship was the right thing to pursue with them? How could I love someone so much yet, want to move on, whilst also not wanting to let go. I didn’t want to let go of my ex for some reason, I wanted to treasure him, but that felt painful to me, but now, I feel like, I DO treasure him, but I have let go.
I don’t know what happened last month, I think I made the conscious decision to finally let go of him. I started listening to a meditation by Leeor Alexandra designed for getting over an ex / past relationship, I journaled and wrote how I needed to let go for myself, because holding on truly was no longer serving me. I realised there was nothing to gain by keeping on thinking over the memories, there was nothing to gain by me even trying to understand my feelings for my ex, when I knew deep down, now is just not the right time for us and it’s time for me to move on.
Anyway, after all this, I realised these past couple of weeks, I truly, finally am over him and it feels like a weight has been lifted. A weight that I didn’t know was holding me down, it didn’t affect me greatly but even so, I feel just slightly lighter now. It’s not a major shift but it is a shift. I’m just so over him.
I still care, but it doesn’t hurt.
I still cherish our memories when I think about them, of course I do, but I no longer feel the need to dwell on them. I just move on.
Sure, it sucks, but does it? Why does it suck when I’m moving on and I’m free to meet someone who is right for me, and who I’m right for? It doesn’t suck really because, if we don’t experience these break ups or these relationships, we may never grow to be the person we are truly meant to be, nor may we meet the people we are truly supposed to be with. Our soulmates. And whilst I cherish my ex, and I used to think it sucked that we didn’t work out, now I know, it simply wasn’t meant to be. And I can be grateful for the times we spent together, without letting the memories consume me.
I don’t feel the need to write songs or poems about him anymore, I realised, it’s time to let that shit go.
And on that note, I’m not going to speak about it anymore, because you know, I don’t want to dwell and go back to that place but honestly, it’s taken a long time for me to get to this point, and I don’t feel PERFECTLY 100% over it, but compared to what I was, I feel like I am actually over it. If that makes sense, and what I’m hoping I can get across with this message is that you will move on from your ex, even when it takes time. A year down the line and I’m here, you will get there too.
Trust your feelings, if it feels right, if it doesn’t feel right. Follow your gut, it is there to guide you.
Ex talks over!
Soo let’s talk about some other stuff hey? I mean, it’s not like I got up to any crazy adventures over April considering lockdown, but I still had some great experiences.
I was blessed with the opportunity to collab with Femme Luxe on a blog post.
I read lots.
I learnt more Spanish.
I’ve had lots of fun video calling with my loved ones, quizzing over Zoom and having sweet little chats, with lots of laughter.
I’ve been taking walks and having game nights with my parents, spending quality time with them.
I’ve learnt more about Astrology, and developed an interest in this topic,
and over the past couple of days I have enjoyed using a Tarot App called ‘Life Guidance’ which I’ve honestly benefited a lot from, so I’m happy.
Now is a great time for Spiritual growth, it’s a time for us to dive deeper into ourselves and understand ourselves so much more.
I’m enjoying journaling SO much at the moment, and using Tarot cards to get the most out of my day. I’m going to talk about this a little more in future blog posts, but it’s definitely something I’ve been loving so much recently.
If I’m anxious or stressed, I have the time to understand myself a little more by journaling my feelings, and finding the answers to how I can heal the parts of me that need healing.
Why am I insecure? What can I do to heal this? When I feel some kind of way I’m not a fan of, I look for guidance. I ask for guidance. I write, I learn. I trust.
Journaling and meditating are two amazing ways to find the answers to the questions you seek, and I highly highly recommend.
Spirituality is SO much fun. And whilst we can’t travel physically at this moment in time (except maybe to the local corner shop or you know, on your daily walks etc, you get my drift), damn, the journey we can take into ourselves is incredible. Use this time to have some fun, understanding yourself and the Universe. It’s a trip for SURE!
I’m truly enjoying this time to grow as a person and focus on myself, enjoying everyday life reading, meditating, practising Spirituality, dancing, having fun, learning etc etc.
Naturally, I am missing my friends and family so much at this time, and this is the hardest part of lockdown, not being able to spend time with my best friends, my family, my loved ones! Of course we look at the positives though, and I feel beyond grateful to be keeping in touch with my loved ones through video calls and messaging. I am truly blessed to have the people in my life that I do, and I am beyond grateful we are all keeping in touch and having a giggle and chat over videos and texts. Honestly, I can not wait to see my loved ones ASAP!!!!! But I am so grateful to still be ‘seeing’ them over video and beyond thankful for the friendships and relationships that I have!
Thankfully, I am lucky enough to be isolating at home with my parents, and I am so grateful to be spending this time with them! Now is the perfect time to grow closer to our loved ones, making the most of our time with the people we are isolating with and truly cherishing their presence. It’s also an amazing time to grow closer to our loved ones who we are not isolating with because I for one know I am so thankful for the times I am spending with my friends and family over ‘video time’, and I know when I see them it’s going to be pure magic, and the gratitude we will have to be spending time with one another will be beautiful.
We have SO much to look forward to.
The first hug with a loved one you’re not isolating with.
The first belly laugh.
The first adventure.
The first dinner.
The first dance.
The first night out.
The first house party.
GUYS, we have so many firsts to look forward to now, this is an amazing opportunity for us to cherish every single second, every single moment. Confucius said ‘We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one’. THIS, this is the time to grab life by the horns, we are going to go out and make the most of everyday, appreciating life and our loved ones for the true blessing it is, and the true blessings they are.
And we can start today.
Appreciating that we are here,
we are safe,
we are healthy.
There is so much to celebrate whether we’re in lockdown or not in lockdown,
don’t wait another second to start appreciating this wonderful life you have been blessed with!
This post got a lot deeper than I intended it to. When I planned to write my April reflections I was intending to write a list of the podcasts I’ve been listening to and what I’d been watching, so without further ado I’m going to throw that in here, LOL.
Mimi Bouchard – The MIMIBEE Podcast
Aaron Doughty – The Expand Your Awareness Podcast 2.0
TV / Netflix
Jane The Virgin
Ex On The Beach
Ex On The Peak
Celebrity SAS Who Dares Wins
What have you been watching recently?
What have you been up to recently? How have you been spending lockdown / quarantine?
How are you feeling?
What are you most looking forward to doing once lockdown is over?
Where’s the first restaurant you’re going to visit for dinner?
Where’s your first holiday destination going to be?
Please be sure to let me know all your thoughts in the comments below,
with lots of love and good vibes,