Hello May / April Reflections | Deep Chats, Letting Go Of An Ex, Spirituality & More

Hey loves!

Happy May!

How is everyone today?

I am SO tired. I stayed up till half past midnight last night, which really isn’t that late but I feel so groggy for it today. Still, I was watching my current obsession ‘Jane The Virgin’, I couldn’t resist starting another episode hehe.

So today I’m here with a little chatty post and a reflection on the month of April, which for me, was a great month.

Obviously I spent the majority of it at home except for the occasional trip to the supermarket and of course, my government approved walks (which I haven’t been taking daily, but I’ve been on a fair few).

Last month, I started keeping a daily highlights tab on my phone which is something I’m looking forward to continuing with, I didn’t update it everyday but, it was great when I did.

I definitely intend on reflecting on my daily highlights as much as possible from now on. It’s great.

So April, where do I even start??

It was a good month for me as I feel like, I’ve been growing Spiritually, I’m FINALLY over my ex, I’ve been writing and journaling most days, learning about myself and astrology plus my Spanish has improved so much. I’m also getting more into my food, and this month one of my goals is definitely to cook more and eat more vegan dishes! Hopefully I’ll have many vegan days this month without even having to try, it’ll just be what I eat.

So let’s talk about that ex, well, I’ve been single for over a year now, and this guy who I’m calling an ‘ex’ is someone I was seeing for around half a year back in 2018/2019. Our ‘relationship’ ended last February / March, and it was of course the right thing for the both of us but that doesn’t mean it was easy.

I was distraught and as you may know if you’ve followed my blog for a long time, this ‘break up’ triggered a lot of emotions for me and changed my life completely. It wasn’t even the relationship that broke me as such, though I was heartbroken, but it was the way everything played out afterwards, the things that happened. Anyway, I learnt so much after this, and grew so much as a person. When I look at where I am now, I genuinely feel so amazed and like, I’ve come SO far.

And even though my relationship with my ex was over, for the past year, I’ve still harboured feelings for him. Not the desire to get back together as such because I knew that wouldn’t be the right decision, it wouldn’t be best in the long term. After everything that happened, I knew a relationship with him was off the cards no matter how much I cared for him, how much I missed him, how much I loved him.

I’d reminisce on him and cry when I thought about the times we spent together, I couldn’t help myself. The emotions I felt in my heart were SO strong, and I couldn’t understand it. How could I love someone so much, yet not feel a relationship was the right thing to pursue with them? How could I love someone so much yet, want to move on, whilst also not wanting to let go. I didn’t want to let go of my ex for some reason, I wanted to treasure him, but that felt painful to me, but now, I feel like, I DO treasure him, but I have let go.

I don’t know what happened last month, I think I made the conscious decision to finally let go of him. I started listening to a meditation by Leeor Alexandra designed for getting over an ex / past relationship, I journaled and wrote how I needed to let go for myself, because holding on truly was no longer serving me. I realised there was nothing to gain by keeping on thinking over the memories, there was nothing to gain by me even trying to understand my feelings for my ex, when I knew deep down, now is just not the right time for us and it’s time for me to move on.

Anyway, after all this, I realised these past couple of weeks, I truly, finally am over him and it feels like a weight has been lifted. A weight that I didn’t know was holding me down, it didn’t affect me greatly but even so, I feel just slightly lighter now. It’s not a major shift but it is a shift. I’m just so over him.

I still care, but it doesn’t hurt.

I still cherish our memories when I think about them, of course I do, but I no longer feel the need to dwell on them. I just move on.

Sure, it sucks, but does it? Why does it suck when I’m moving on and I’m free to meet someone who is right for me, and who I’m right for? It doesn’t suck really because, if we don’t experience these break ups or these relationships, we may never grow to be the person we are truly meant to be, nor may we meet the people we are truly supposed to be with. Our soulmates. And whilst I cherish my ex, and I used to think it sucked that we didn’t work out, now I know, it simply wasn’t meant to be. And I can be grateful for the times we spent together, without letting the memories consume me.

I don’t feel the need to write songs or poems about him anymore, I realised, it’s time to let that shit go.

And on that note, I’m not going to speak about it anymore, because you know, I don’t want to dwell and go back to that place but honestly, it’s taken a long time for me to get to this point, and I don’t feel PERFECTLY 100% over it, but compared to what I was, I feel like I am actually over it. If that makes sense, and what I’m hoping I can get across with this message is that you will move on from your ex, even when it takes time. A year down the line and I’m here, you will get there too.

Trust your feelings, if it feels right, if it doesn’t feel right. Follow your gut, it is there to guide you.

PHEW.

Ex talks over!

Soo let’s talk about some other stuff hey? I mean, it’s not like I got up to any crazy adventures over April considering lockdown, but I still had some great experiences.

I was blessed with the opportunity to collab with Femme Luxe on a blog post.

I read lots.

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I learnt more Spanish.

I’ve had lots of fun video calling with my loved ones, quizzing over Zoom and having sweet little chats, with lots of laughter.

I’ve been taking walks and having game nights with my parents, spending quality time with them.

I’ve learnt more about Astrology, and developed an interest in this topic,

and over the past couple of days I have enjoyed using a Tarot App called ‘Life Guidance’ which I’ve honestly benefited a lot from, so I’m happy.

Now is a great time for Spiritual growth, it’s a time for us to dive deeper into ourselves and understand ourselves so much more.

I’m enjoying journaling SO much at the moment, and using Tarot cards to get the most out of my day. I’m going to talk about this a little more in future blog posts, but it’s definitely something I’ve been loving so much recently.

If I’m anxious or stressed, I have the time to understand myself a little more by journaling my feelings, and finding the answers to how I can heal the parts of me that need healing.

Why am I insecure? What can I do to heal this? When I feel some kind of way I’m not a fan of, I look for guidance. I ask for guidance. I write, I learn. I trust.

Journaling and meditating are two amazing ways to find the answers to the questions you seek, and I highly highly recommend.

Spirituality is SO much fun. And whilst we can’t travel physically at this moment in time (except maybe to the local corner shop or you know, on your daily walks etc, you get my drift), damn, the journey we can take into ourselves is incredible. Use this time to have some fun, understanding yourself and the Universe. It’s a trip for SURE!

I’m truly enjoying this time to grow as a person and focus on myself, enjoying everyday life reading, meditating, practising Spirituality, dancing, having fun, learning etc etc.

Naturally, I am missing my friends and family so much at this time, and this is the hardest part of lockdown, not being able to spend time with my best friends, my family, my loved ones! Of course we look at the positives though, and I feel beyond grateful to be keeping in touch with my loved ones through video calls and messaging. I am truly blessed to have the people in my life that I do, and I am beyond grateful we are all keeping in touch and having a giggle and chat over videos and texts. Honestly, I can not wait to see my loved ones ASAP!!!!! But I am so grateful to still be ‘seeing’ them over video and beyond thankful for the friendships and relationships that I have!

Thankfully, I am lucky enough to be isolating at home with my parents, and I am so grateful to be spending this time with them! Now is the perfect time to grow closer to our loved ones, making the most of our time with the people we are isolating with and truly cherishing their presence. It’s also an amazing time to grow closer to our loved ones who we are not isolating with because I for one know I am so thankful for the times I am spending with my friends and family over ‘video time’, and I know when I see them it’s going to be pure magic, and the gratitude we will have to be spending time with one another will be beautiful.

We have SO much to look forward to.

The first hug with a loved one you’re not isolating with.

The first belly laugh.

The first adventure.

The first dinner.

The first dance.

The first night out.

The first house party.

GUYS, we have so many firsts to look forward to now, this is an amazing opportunity for us to cherish every single second, every single moment. Confucius said ‘We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one’. THIS, this is the time to grab life by the horns, we are going to go out and make the most of everyday, appreciating life and our loved ones for the true blessing it is, and the true blessings they are.

And we can start today.

Appreciating that we are here,

we are safe,

we are healthy.

There is so much to celebrate whether we’re in lockdown or not in lockdown,
don’t wait another second to start appreciating this wonderful life you have been blessed with!

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This post got a lot deeper than I intended it to. When I planned to write my April reflections I was intending to write a list of the podcasts I’ve been listening to and what I’d been watching, so without further ado I’m going to throw that in here, LOL.

Podcasts

Mimi Bouchard – The MIMIBEE Podcast

Aaron Doughty – The Expand Your Awareness Podcast 2.0

TV / Netflix

Jane The Virgin

Gogglebox

Ex On The Beach

Ex On The Peak

Celebrity SAS Who Dares Wins

What have you been watching recently?

What have you been up to recently? How have you been spending lockdown / quarantine?

How are you feeling?

What are you most looking forward to doing once lockdown is over?

Where’s the first restaurant you’re going to visit for dinner?

Where’s your first holiday destination going to be?

Please be sure to let me know all your thoughts in the comments below,

with lots of love and good vibes,

Jennie

❤️

Instagram: @50shad3s0fj4y

12 Comments

  1. Breakups are not easy, completely know how you feel and as cliche as it sounds time really is the biggest healer. I don’t want to talk about myself but this time two years ago I went through my first break up and I don’t know how I got up and coped some days but now I look back at that person and realise how far I’ve come ❤ At the same time don't be hard on yourself if there's the odd day you feel sad or start to remember certain things from your relationship, it's all part of the moving on process. At the time it seems hard but like you say there comes a point where you feel lighter and like a weight is lifted off your shoulders 🙂

    I've been watching Celebrity SAS too, still got the second episode to catch up with. Not usually the type of show I go for but it's good!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 100% agree with time being the biggest healer, and even though it’s taken a year, it’s happened!! Wow!! Go YOU! Breakups are so freaking hard, there’s always some kind of emotion, even if you want to break up, it still sucks! You have come so far beauty, well done!!!! ❤ So proud of you and happy to hear how far you have come ❤

      100%! Thanks lovely.

      Ooh which series are you watching? The one with Katie Price? I know I've never seen anything like it it's so intense, it's so interesting!! So cool that you're watching it too!

      Thanks for commenting hun!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It really does get easier and you’re still allowed to be grateful for the happy times as well as hate the hurt it caused. My breakup blindsided me which is why it was such a shock, if it had been done under different circumstances I don’t know if I’d have found it as hard.

        You will meet the right person at the right time, I truly believe that! ❤️

        Yes, watching the series with Katie Price x

        Like

  2. I just love your positivity, Jennie- it radiates through your words!! So happy for you that you are over your ex- I know it was not an easy journey, but you are so strong, gf and allowed your self to feel and cope with those emotions! ❤ Journaling is so powerful too.

    That’s so amazing you have learned more Spanish!

    Loved reading this update- always great to hear how you are doing and what you are up to. Thanks for the great Netflix and podcast suggestions too 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Mack! ❤ and that means the world to me that you say that & I am so grateful, you have always been so supportive & there for me through the whole thing ❤ Thanks for being YOU!! I am so grateful.

      Hehe, I've definitely learnt more and really enjoying it, it's such a hobby. I think once I've mastered Spanish, I'll move onto Italian hehe. Thanks hun!!

      Thanks so much for reading & commenting lovely ❤

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m so happy you can say you can move on from your past relationship! Breakups and heartbreaks feel like some of the most painful things in our lives that we experience but we learn so many lessons within them. I’ve always liked a saying that says it’s okay to miss something/someone but not want them back.

    I absolutely love the Confucius quotes and it’s so true! It’s so exhilarating to be excited about life and the many things we have to be thankful about and not take them for granted. How cool of you to learn more Spanish! I wish I was forced to learn another language growing up. I’ve been teaching myself French for years and it’s so exciting to pick up words in the real world!

    Thanks for being so positive, lovely! ♥

    Like

  4. I love Leeor because you introduced me to her!❤ Aaw hun you are strong and you’ve got this. I guess things happen for a reason and that reason is you’ll meet your prince one day and it’s not your ex xx

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I am SO proud of you sweets! You are such a strong woman and turned something negative into such a major positive! You are such a ray of light! I love how you are spending this time, and finding the joy and fun. So much love to you sweets! You truly are an incredibly special person and I am so grateful to know you! ❤

    Like

  6. I always knew you’d be in a better mental space in time. Everything takes time and what’s best about this is that you* have grown from it 🙂 Now you have opened yourself to the world and for what (and who) may come next 😉 ❤

    I loved that collab post with FemmeLuxe! Such gorgeous outfits! And I'm glad you've been reading more and learning Spanish 🙂 I haven't been able to make space for my reading or learning Japanese lololol

    I feel so bad for being behind nearly a month, especially on your amazing posts but literally the reason, I feel like, I wasn't meant to read it until now lol. Now hear me out, yesterday I was feeling so shitty and bordering on anxiety for many reasons and then I thought to myself "no, i will not let this quarantine get the best of me, I need move forward and use this time to grow"… and yet you have mentioned that here. Is that not like meant to be??? LOL I did realize deeply yesterday that this quarantine may bring out the worst in us for being isolated for so long, and that I can either repeat what I'm doing or grow from it and I am choosing to grow. I know my journey will be difficult and it won't be so linear, but funny thing about that too, I finished reading a book two nights ago that said just that: life is not linear. There are highs and lows no matter where you are in life. This may be a low for me, but the only way is up 🙂 anyway i've rambled on enough….

    i love the positivity on this post and you are right to say we have many firsts to look forward to! 🙂

    Since the weekend I haven't watched anything? Finished watching The Walking Dead with my husband lol. We saw two movies with CL over the weekend two, Abominable on Hulu which was such a cute film and A Bee Movie on Netflix. I have been trying to establish a homeschool routine for my son but have been changing things day by day depending on everyone's moods and just yesterday i started physically writing out so i will be spending the week working on that so it's ready by monday and we can start fresh again. i am hoping i can create a routine for myself too and hope that the routine i set for myself makes me feel better and more productive.

    that's all i got for now haven't thought about the rest to be honest because i feel like we're not completely out of the woods yet but we will see. i will trust in the universe.

    Like

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